Sunday, October 2, 2011

Winds are changing

Came back from an Al-Anon convention last weekend - what a great time! Then went to a meeting Monday night that got me thinking about this blog...

Someone mentioned about "singing the hymns"... but as she talked I realized she was saying, "singing the HIMS"... and basically the point was to keep the focus ON US - on our recovery - on stories of strength experience and hope - instead of he/she did this he/she did that grumble worry grumble grumble.

When I look back over the past 2 years I am amazed at how much I have grown as a person, and how many positive changes I have made.

I'm working on living MY life/learning how to live MY life. In doing so, I am finding less and less need to write about "her", and doing more and more trusting God that He and Heather can manage her life without my "help".

My relationship with Heather has been great and she seems to be doing very well (defining "well" by leaving out my personal judgement on how things "should" be). I love Heather more than imaginable, and while she is still the greatest light in my life, I am working hard at living MY life - and not hers :)

But, it's progress not perfection...
My husband and I went to the dog park today with our two dogs. Of course I brought a bag - totally prepared - of anything we might need - treats, baggies etc. Including a bowl and bottled water.
When we arrived I put the bowl down and filled it with water (they do have a fountain there for the dogs, but being me, having to "prove" what a GREAT mom I am, I brought my own supply...).

So a *couple* times during our stay at the park I proceeded to say to the dogs, "Go get a drink of water, go get a drink of water."
To which my husband finally said, "They will drink when they want to drink. Let them be."

To which I thought: HUMPHHH!!!

Before responding, "I can no longer smother the kids, at least let me smother the dogs - I have to get it out somehow!"

HUMMMPH!!!
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4 comments:

  1. I hear you and I can identify. I still love my daughter more than life itself, but I have put her in a corner of my brain which I don't constantly access anymore. I live my life with my husband and I have learned to take of myself.

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  2. HM,

    I can relate all too well! Both sons had issues with drugs. Youngest got sober and stayed sober (for over five years now); in fact, he got married last month. Oldest is still using something ... not even sure what. At both the memorial yesterday and the wedding last month, he was definitely "high."

    My dad passed away a week ago, and Friday night as we were all together in preparation for yesterday's memorial service for Dad; the youngest told me he was going to go bowling with the oldest, and it was all I could do not to come unglued. Old "try to control things" issues, and fears, and all that.

    Anyhow, know that you are in our prayers,
    Cheri

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  3. I'm gonna try this: "HUMMMPH!!!"

    (It didn't do me much good--grin!)

    Let's see....what else can I think, say, do, control, bug, debug, order, demand, isolate, hibernate....HUMMMPH!!! Non of that worked either.

    I'm gonna go wake up the dog (Lucky) and tell him to drink water--NOW!

    P.S. It worked--grin!

    PEACE!

    5 minutes later: Out in back yard, I said prayers for Heather's Mom...and for Cheri.....

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  4. Can relate. It is so hard to let go, isn't it? I smother my dog as well. She is so spoiled. They give us love which is great! Hope you had a good Mother's Day. Take Care, Cathy

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