So I'm like, she's off the Oxy and off the marijuana...
Somehow, whenever I try to anticipate A-B-C-D-E-F-G got them all - no wait - H... covered... Heather manages to come up with Q...
I wrote back in April about her evening of drinking so much I called an ambulance... (post "Oh what a night")
Today I talked to her on the phone for the first time in over a week. The last time I had met her for dinner she told me about "Jane" drinking so much at a party she got sick out Heather's car window.
Well, today she said, "Remember how I told you about 'Jane'? Well the weekend before last 'Lara' got sick out my car window, then this weekend I got sick out my car window."
Was she bragging??? A call for help??? Couldn't really figure out why she was telling me this...
I didn't mention it in my last post because at the time I didn't think anything about it (denial: "oh, college kids")... but when I went over when she was sick (the real flu)... there were a bunch of dirty shot glasses in her sink.
As usual, I am just reporting here...
BUT
I keep wavering between my "Al-Anon training" and obsessing of all the horrible things that could happen while she's under the influence that much.
I never wrote before (I don't think), but a couple months ago we were talking about me going to Al-Anon and she said (for herself) that she no longer sees a need to go "and dredge up all that stuff from the past" (her biological father would be her "qualifier")... "It just makes me miserable remembering and I'd rather just move forward and live my life."
Back then I wasn't pleased with hearing that b/c I think she could really benefit from Al-Anon, but like everything else, it is not in my control. BUT, thinking back to that statement now... well, I guess I think... she could really benefit from Al-Anon... or NA or AA...
Not that what I think matters.
It is torture for us all…
4 days ago
I think it is best to concentrate on yourself and what you benefit from... Heather knows, she is just in denial. Anytime our kids are on drugs or alcohol, the worst could happen. I think about my daughter driving around with her two little ones while high and it just makes me cringe. But we can only control what we do....
ReplyDeletePeace and hugs.
Helga
Heather is in huge denial and nothing you say or do can change that...take care of YOU, my friend...
ReplyDeletePrayers and hugs
Carolyn
boy can i relate to this entire post. the worry/obsession mostly. but i have to say i can even relate to heathers response. sometimes i have to admit to not liking going to meetings and dredging up or even listening to the horror tales. sometimes i think to myself, why bother? but i do keep going and always get something out of a meeting. i'm a slow learner and it gets frustrating. so thank you for this post.
ReplyDeletedaisy
ps ~ my word verification to post my comment is bless. isn't that amazing?
I obsess all of the time about the horrible what if's with my daughter. I also feel like I want to move forward and live my life.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter once asked me after graduating high school if a person "needed" to get drunk when they were drinking with friends, if it meant they had a problem. Instead of seeing it for what it was, which I believe was a cry for help, I kept in my happy ignorant place and laughed it off as that was just how College kids were. Arrggh!!
I could "SO" benefit from Al-Anon, or at least thats what I keep hearing. I just can't get myself to go and I am not sure why.
Hang in there.
I think you, as a mother, know exactly what's going on and aren't over-reacting. Al-Anon is so helpful in providing comfort, and support, and hope. As you well know, Heather will have to acknowledge any dependence she may have on her own - and by just you going to Al-Anon regularly - and providing the example, it could steer her in the right direction. Attraction vs promotion, right?
ReplyDeleteJust want to let you know I am thinking of you....
ReplyDelete"...not that what I think matters..."
ReplyDeleteGosh, I should remember to "think" like that once upon a time--or maybe now!
Some children now are saying they do not WANT to have children themselves b/c they could not bear to go through what THEY themselves have put THEIR (us) parents through!
PEACE,
Steve