So, our landline rang at 3:04 am last night. I looked at the caller ID - it was Heather. But when I picked up she wasn't there. So, I called back her cell 2xs and it went straight to voicemail. My husband said she probably "pocket-dialed" us and we determined it was okay to go back to bed. 5 minutes later it rang again. It was her.
"Heather, are you okay?"
"No." (feebly)
"No?"
"No."
"What's going on? What's wrong?"
"I haven't dranken in a long time. I think I'm going to die... I think I'm going to die..."
"Um."
"I can't stop throwing up. I haven't dranken in a long time. I think I'm going to die..."
"Do you want me to call an ambulance?"
"I don't know."
"Did you take any drugs with the alcohol?"
[sounded like she said "No."]
"So no you didn't take any drugs... was it beer or liquor?"
Phone went dead...
Tried calling back for 15 minutes, phone just rang and rang before going to voice mail each time. Discussed with my husband. Called the Tallahassee police and they sent an ambulance. Told me to call back in and hour to see how it turned out.
Praise God for my blogger friends... how do you stay up for an hour in the middle of the night on Ambien??? Stressed out, freaking out and trying to stay calm??? Read blogs and make comments of course!!!
Called the ambulance back. They went there, all lights were out and they banged on the door no one answered. After awhile they left. They said they saw a dog in the window. Heather never goes anywhere without putting her dog in his cage. Was she home and dying on the floor so couldn't answer the door? (You know my mind zooms immediately to the worst even though one of my favorite quotes from a Greg Isles book says, "Our worst fears are seldom realized." I tried telling myself that.) My husband and I prayed.
By now it is 5:00 am. Heather continues to not answer her phone. Even though I knew better (for my sake), I called Heather's dad b/c he was supposed to be in Florida visiting her. I thought he was closer and could maybe drive over... he was already back home up North, no longer in Florida and could not help (and said some disturbing things to add to my upsetness I won't go into). My husband says to get some sleep b/c there's nothing we can do, but we should be rested in case we need to drive to Tally in the morning. Sleep??? I thought to ODAT page 124, do what you would normally do (paraphrased)... okay sleep. How??? Praise God again for my blogger friends... I prayed for them, concentrated on praying for them to take my mind away from ME. I remember praying for 4 families (won't mention which 4 got the extra prayer so no one is jealous! lol) before sleep must have come b/c I woke up and it was (early) morning. (BTW, so much for my morning plans...)
Tried calling her again (and again, and again). Left a message call me, let me know you're alive. Sent an email saying same. Tried to figure out if I should drive to Tally - but what good would that do? And fact of the matter is, with cell phones, I had never even asked her where she was... Picked up Courage to Change looked up "crises". Page 47, reach out to someone else, others have experienced similar (paraphrased)... called my sponsor. She said driving to Tally - what could I do? Gave me some really great ideas, put me "in right mind" lol, I won't go into everything, but the important one...
I called Heather's best friend CR's mom M. M called CR and CR's boyfriend. At 11:30 Heather called me. She was just leaving the cell phone store, she had dropped hers' in the toilet last night... arrghh...
She apologized was so thankful I cared and that I had called the ambulance. Wanted me to know she "never drinks" and didn't know her tolerance when "they" started doing shots. I said 3xs through the conversation (Kathy M - I know... 3xs = controlling!!!... I couldn't help myself.) that she needs to go to AA, NA or Al-Anon. That she would find the peace she is looking for at any of the three...
Our phone call went great until... I told her I called her Dad... that really upset her (I won't go into details, but it sounds as if she has recently "separated" from him again.). When she called I also had told her I had hung up on M (best friend's mom) to answer the phone. She said (besides what she said about her dad), if I could please no longer tell M or anyone else all the bad stuff she's done. She went on to say if I can't promise that she's no longer going to tell me anything. (manipulation!!!) That M has included her with their family and she doesn't want M to think badly of her. I said, M loves you and she knows you no longer do drugs... silence... "What do you mean she knows I NO LONGER do drugs???" TENSION over the phone lines. "How does she know???" I said, "Because I called her and told her." brief silence/major tension crackling/my stomach is clenched...
"Great mom, great. (irritated) I'll talk to you later. I'll just talk to you later. Bye."
I called M and told her Heather is alive but obviously mad at me (I had told M MONTHS ago to give her the heads up with her daughter since they were best friends... not to "gossip" about my daughter!).
M said, "If she is alive and breathing enough to be mad at you... Great!"
Night Update: She called and apologized tonight for how she spoke to me at the end of our conversation and said she was just overwhelmed hearing that (about telling her dad and M) and that she understood why I did what I did. She said she loved me.
It is torture for us all…
4 days ago
What an ordeal!!! Thank god she was O.K.! It seems your life was much more peaceful when you weren't having contact with her. You also were able to put into practice many of the coping mechanisms that you've learned.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get some much needed rest. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Heather!
Yes, that was a drama filled evening. I hope you get good and bored tomorrow. Sounds like you could use some boredom.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was dramatic! I am very glad to hear she's ok but sorry you had to go through all the worry and lack of sleep. Good that she called back to apologize.
ReplyDeleteI hate nighttime phone calls. We know exactly how you feel and I am so sorry because it not only ruins that night but screws you up for a couple days for rest.
ReplyDeleteI am glad Heather is OK.
I chuckled at Heather's response to you calling M. Alex says the same thing to me about speaking to groups and writing in my blog. I told him stop using and I'd have no reason to be out speaking to others, this is my therapy for his illness.
This all sounds so familiar. My heart goes out to you both. I will keep you both in my prayers. Be gentle with yourself. Love and hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI was Heather for many, many years.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate reading your perspective of the situation. While I have known for years in sobriety what I put my family through, while drinking, I had no clue.
Thank you for sharing this.
I am so sorry any of us has to go through this middle of the night stuff. I use to dread those calls. When J was in college and using and then withdrawing he would call me in a panic. I could almost tell when to expect those phone calls. I am ashamed to say that I have taken my phone off the hook before I went to bed just so I could get a night sleep. Sad sad life we sometimes lead...
ReplyDeleteI have been gone so just catching up. I am so sorry you had to go through such fear, we have all had those late night phone calls. I also have taken the phone into the other room where I can't hear it at night just so I can get a good night sleep. I hope you got some rest and had a peaceful Easter. I am glad to hear Heather called you back and is doing o.k. (((HUGS))) p.s. I changed my username to "Mom trying to Detach with Love" from Mom of opiate addicted son.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the tough night, but glad it all worked out. Lot to be grateful for. Try to focus on the positive part of this and take care!
ReplyDeleteNow that Heather is back in your life with semi-regular basis, the drama will also be back. I'm so sorry you had such a difficult night. Yes, our worst fears are seldom realized; but it is the chance that this one time they will be that lead us to horrible nights of no sleep and what feels like endless worry. I'm glad Heather is "ok."
ReplyDeleteSomething I learned (after the fact) with Bryan. Is if he told me something "bad" he was doing, it meant he was doing it 10x worse than he told me. I will never forget him telling me that "he used heroin once," but he didn't like using a needle. Once seemed horrible to me at the time, but of course I thought, "Well, thank God he won't be continuing that." By the time he told me this out loud, he was a full-fledged black-tar heroin addict, shooting up 3-5 times per day.
You and your family and Heather remain in my daily prayers. Get some rest and take care of yourself, as difficult as that is.
Oh... when I started to read this, my blood went cold. I hate the middle of the night calls. Nowadays, I say a prayer of thanks to God for a new day and no calls in the night. What a terrible night that must have been. Our kids don't know the agony they put us through! I got a similar call like that, and fortunately we are 10 minutes away. We arrived in our PJ's only to find my son looking over the balcony, telling us to go home. He doesn't even remember that night! So glad to read you are praying for others-- it definitely helps me a lot. I'm am watching your journey, though I don't stop in as often as I wish I could.
ReplyDeleteBlessings.
Oh what a night. I am SO sorry you had to go through that. My heart was in my throat while I was reading. So familiar, that fear and helplessness!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad she is okay. So thankful. I don't think they have a clue what they do to our hearts. After mine was arrested last night, and the intake officer notified me at 1 AM, I turned off all the phones. This morning, I had about six collect call attempts to delete on each phone line. No sane person continues to call at 4AM! Why don't they understand what that will do to a parent's heart/blood pressure!? I'm glad I missed those.
That must have been one of the longest nights of your life. I am so grateful she is okay. Prayers continue!!
Oh, HM,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you had to endure that drama! Praying for you!
Hang in there,
Cheri
$hi*ba**s !! GAK I hate freaking drama.
ReplyDeleteThose middle of the night phone calls are brutal. I've had several, a few with my daughter hysterically crying and not making any sense. The worst was her telling me she was walking the streets alone and was scared...she hung up and I was on my phone until noon the next day until she answered.. "she" fell asleep.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear it turned out okay.