answer to "Dad"

"Dad" wrote this as part of his comment to my last post,"I don't want to bring you down but I am curious about how the grandpa's and grandma's are doing with this contact? Also where are you now with the interventionist?"

I thought it'd be good to answer here, as it would also serve as a way for me to process "where things are" for myself.

Heather has still not had any contact with any of her 4 grandparents. She has mentioned them in various conversations, I guess she is processing through some things she's struggling with in her relationships with them. During a conversation last week on the phone she did mention that "[she] needs to contact her grandmas". I know what some of these issues are, but I am truly *trying* to not get in the middle (my favorite saying from Kathy M: if it doesn't have my name on it...). I am keeping the grandparents updated on Heather though so they know what's going on (as long as it doesn't break any confidences Heather may have shared with me).

The interventionist:
It's a little confusing to me b/c I do not want to "take advantage" of his time. We paid for "the intervention" and the costs associated with it. According to him, he is there for us as long as it takes. I still feel bad as "we" are obviously taking up more time than usual. He actually called Heather himself and spoke to her the weekend before she finally called me in January. I know it was his conversation with her that had to be the catalyst to her finally initiating contact with me.

As far as I am concerned the intervention WAS a success. It put a HALT on an entire family spiraling out of control. I'm learning new behaviors and experiencing peace. Heather got the message that we are serious, that the drug is serious and made changes in her life. Heather is now "self-supporting" - meaning she pays her own bills, makes her own doctor's appointments, contacts her own professors, etc. I have learned that by me doing all these things for her in the past was sending the message that I didn't think she was capable of doing for herself. She is doing for herself now. I am no longer cleaning up messes.

Heather says she is only smoking pot now, no longer doing the oxy (at least the last time we discussed drugs, maybe in February?). The interventionist said he has never been called to do an intervention on someone who only smokes pot.

The interventionist calls to check in every now and then. He says I am doing great and to keep going to Al-Anon and keep practicing what I am learning there. To let him know if there are any changes in Heather either way (getting help or getting worse).

Right now I guess that's where we are... trying to keep serenity while we see where this goes. Waiting to exhale.

She's trying to *do things* on her own. Right now it appears as if she is moving forward this way. BUT as long as she is still smoking pot, "partying", I am fully aware it could take a turn for the worse. (Or if she is doing other drugs and just doing a very good job hiding it right now).

I just don't know. The one thing I do know is that I have to continue in MY recovery through Al-Anon to be as "healthy" as I can be. It could go great and the worse is over, or the worse could be yet to come. Ever the optimist (*denialist*) I hope the worse is over.

Time will tell.

I love her so much.

But yes, I guess that sums it up: either the worse is over or the worse is yet to come.