Putting my tools to use - or trying to

After the intervention Oct 31, it was almost 3 months before I talked to Heather. During that time I learned "tools" from Al-Anon, the interventionist, books, the internet and friends I've met through this blog. During those three months, the primary tool I used was to "Let go and let God."

Since I've been talking to her (she's been calling a couple times a week), mostly the tools I've used were "minding my own business" and "taking care of me".

It's like I have this tool belt, but I'm not sure what tools are for sure in it, or what they are for if they are, or which one to use, or if it will break when I try to use it. But, I've known without a doubt I'd be called upon to use them. It's so easy to *use* what you learn when nothing is going on. Monday's page in our daily reader discussed, "practice, practice, practice". That makes me feel better because never does it say I will be perfect now.

The She said/I said from today:
Heather called today. As soon as I heard her voice I knew something was wrong. She sounded very depressed. She immediately started complaining (whining) that she can't eat and she can't sleep. (Her request for my advice was implied...)
I said the obvious thing would be if she was still using oxy - or other drugs.
She said, with oxy's you fall asleep. And, with oxy's I wanted to eat but just couldn't get it together to eat. (I'm wondering - Is that right??? and noticing she didn't "answer" my "non-question")
I said well, is something bothering you?
She said, she feels so alone, she thinks she just wants to be loved.
I said, you know I love you. If you go to an AA or NA meeting you'll find other people who will love you too and you can talk to.
She said, I know I have to [go to meetings].
Then she continued, "I haven't taken my anti-depressant medicine from my psychiatrist in the past 4-5 days b/c I ran out and [the psychiatrist] is in Orlando. I think that's messing me up."
I said only you know what's truly going on with you.
I said going to AA/NA meetings is like a free psychiatrist, I'm sure you'll find help there.
She said, I'm so busy with going to the doctor 3xs a week, school... at this point I heard her (guy)friend getting back in the car (when she called she said he was going in to get take-out)...
I said, you know many people work full time and still go to school. If you want to go to a meeting, you have to make yourself a priority.
She said I know (then of course that she had to go).
We exchanged I love yous.

I don't know if I used any of the tools at all, or if I dropped the whole tool belt on the floor and everything spilled out. Despite how the conversation looks written out, it was actually a very calm, peaceful conversation. I think I at least used detachment...

After we hung up, I shook my head and what I recently read on Her Big Sad about if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck... came to mind.

I won't know if she's using or not, not with her living so far away. And if she is, there's nothing I can do about it. I can only keep the boundaries I have made for myself as they pertain to her interactions with me. The interventionist warned me, it will be a long time before she ever decides to go to treatment since she has all that money... but... I can't help but think if she can get to an AA/NA meeting, I think she won't feel so alone. She also "qualifies" for Ala-Teen, but unfortunately, in that college town - there are none (???). (I looked them up of course just to see, there are Al-Anon, but not Ala-Teen. Oddly enough, I didn't look up AA/NA, but there would have to be those, right???)

Believe it or not I'm really not worrying/obsessing etc. I hate hearing her having a hard time, but I know with all my heart, there is nothing I can do - it's up to her.

God's in control and that's all I need to know right now.

11pm update: She just called said, "I just woke up from a nap, wanted to let you know I ate a bunch of food and took a nap. I'm going back to sleep, it was a weird night last night. But I wanted to tell you I love you." (I told her I love her too and we hung up.)
ODD phone call.
But I do love her!