Heather called!!!!

She called tonight!!!

We talked for an hour and 16 minutes. She was totally fine/normal whatever you want to call it. We had a very good talk. She finally said, we've been talking for a long time, do you want to talk more tomorrow? I said, sure, if you want to call me I should be home all day from the afternoon on. IF she doesn't call me, I'm not going to call her. I think this is the best to leave it up to her. As a woman in an Al-Anon meeting said awhile ago, "she no longer 'dials for pain'".

She said she has not been smoking the Roxies, but that she has been smoking pot "every other day" and drinking a little. She said she knows she has to stop smoking pot and cigarettes. She said instead of realizing things she tends to avoid them so she turned to drugs. She said her coping mechanisms are not good. That she needs to learn to control her levels of stress and how to cope with them. (this is pretty much verbatim)

She said she is going to a psychiatrist, and taking classes "on it" and trying to apply what she learns to her life instead of just hearing it. She said that she has a lot of mental things wrong with her that are not just the drugs, that there are other things that bring a person to drugs. (again verbatim) She said "nobody stepped in with her father like they should have." (I'm not writing about her father on this blog, there was no physical abuse.)

She was concerned with our relationship now - I explained [her step-father] & I are her parents, it's not an either or - we will still love her and be here for her as parents if she doesn't go to treatment. But at the same time we do not have to support her when she's using "poor coping skills" such as drugs.

I told her about how I am working on me and that I can no longer be the kind of mother that I was before. I told her that I have to let her spread her wings to fail and to have success. She said that me working on me will take the pressure off her to have to live for me, so she can be weak, be insecure, have different opinions from me.

At one point I told her about AA/NA meetings where she will meet other people with coping skills like hers. She came back to that twice later - first time saying that she is definitely addicted to pot and will definitely look into the meetings - second time saying how she's working on things and hanging out with her friends who don't like Roxies, and that "I know I'm not all the way there yet and I will definitely look into those meetings."

At another point I brought up the treatment center we have found and explained how I could bring her dog to visit, the pastor could visit, that it was more open, and that if she feels she needs treatment to let us know. She thanked me for that, and again, later brought up herself that "she appreciates treatment if she decides to go that route."

She talked about her health issues from the accident and how hard it is living with the pain. How her bones are degenerating and she still can't stand on her left leg alone for longer than 2 seconds without falling. She told about her ex-boyfriend still stalking her, that he said the restraining order was only good for Orlando, not Tallahassee. Also that she has PTSD from the accident. She told me about her apartment, her dog (previously untrained) has only had one accident in the new apartment, she's taking classes at the community college and can transfer back to the University with out having to re-apply.

This is just a record of the phone conversation, just b/c I wrote it here do not think I agree with everything. I wanted to write it without adding my own commentary.

Now my thoughts:
I am so happy she called and I got to tell her that I love her, that "we" love her, she said she loves me too. I am under no illusions that "things are fine". I know that eventually she will come to the point where she decides she has to go for treatment, that "doing it on her own" isn't working. In the meanwhile I praise God she called, and thank Him for being faithful, for the interventionist, and for my trusting Him and not calling her as hard as that was - imagine how different the conversation would have been had I called her before she was ready?

I need to keep going to Al-Anon. I do not see this is an invitation to start calling and emailing her everyday. I need to keep "minding my own business" and let her mind hers.

Praise God!!!